Desert Dunes

Religion. What is it? The path to enlightenment, to Heaven, to inner peace? I follow my religion with all the conviction I can muster, the turmoil tearing at me. It's hard to see what's real and what's false in this age, hard to separate yourself form what you know is sin, it's hard to actually follow your religion. That is, if you have a religion, of course.

I myself am Muslim. No, I don't bomb building. No, I don't run around killing people. Instead, I live. I live as you would. I go to school, I have problems in life, I have friends, enemies, annoying family, and "too much" work. I live.

But living is different for me. I have to pay attention to my modesty, I feel uncomfortable around males, I wear the Hijab, I cover my body modestly, and I try to speak without saying anything crude, inappropriate or suggestive. I'm not saying their aren't non-Muslim people who act like this, the difference between me and them is that I do it for Religion.

Anyways, I got off topic. What I really wanted to blog was about how conflicted I am right now ( I'm a teenager, INORITE?). I want to follow my religion to a T because everything my religion says makes sense. There doesn't seem to be any lie in it. It's actually really amazing.

But unsettling. 

It makes me scared. Scared that if I don't follow it completely, I'll be banished to hell.

However, in this era, pretty much everything that's considered looked down upon is common.

For example (A bit extreme though) (by the by, the Qur'an says not to devote your entire life to religion and live life a little, but not by doing haram[forbidden] things)

Going to the movies when you could be studying or readign Qur'an

Missing Prayer for frivolous things

Being disobedient to your parents

Being disrespectful

Girls and guys being more than friends, touching each other as though they were man and wife.

It's all... Nyeh.

It's difficult, when everyone around you is doing what you shouldn't.

When you have questions about your religion but can't really find any (open minded) person to ask.

And so, I just want to....

Go to the desert.

Yup. That's right. I want to go to the desert. I want to travel on horse/camel back for days on end in the vast silent majesty of the desert, my life completely in the hands of my hard work and if God wills me to find water. I don't want to be able to access water easily, be able to simply move my hand 2 inches and there's food. How else can I ever understand it's value? I don't take it for granted, but I don't realize how much it truly means either.

I feel like the desert would answer all of my questions.

The treacherous yet wonderful wind blowing it's shelter and weapon named sand onto my face. the hot sun against my back or face as I ride towards an unknown destination. The braying of my animal and our breath the only sound to accompany me. It sounds like a dream.

With hugs and lots of love,

-Ai, the girl with hearts in her eyes

Love

Valentines day just passed :/

I planned on updating this everyday, but I obviously haven't >_<

Oh well.

Now, for thoughts on Valentines day: Distorted. It's gross. It's the only day men are sweet to their girls, the only day the girls get their romantic dreams fulfilled, and it all goes into the checkbook of big companies. Isn't it strange that there's a specific day for romance? Shouldn't you celebrate love everyday?

Love... How I love love :D I'm absolutely addicted to the idea of true love. If there's no romance in a great story, it gets a rating deducted, it's all I think about, all I dream about. It's what I eat and breath.

And that's one of the reasons I dislike Valentines day. Al the romance on that day, it just isn't real :/

Anyways, just a little about life:

1) I'm writing a science report with an irresponsible partner

2) I'm not motivated to do anything

3) I'm losing my faith in True Love

4) I haven't dreamt in a while

5) Somehow, I'm happy :D

    -With hugs and lots of love,
Ai, the girl with hearts in her eyes

Beginnings! Le Gasp!

I am Ai. Or, at least that's what you shall know me as. You may also know me as crazy, that one girl, or "you". Either way, it's something.

My close friends say that I seem to ooze happiness. I agree. I'm just brimming with it. I like to smile, laugh, goof around. Anything to try and see those around me smile.

My old friends will say that I used to have quite a temper. Which is odd considering I'm never mad now. it's strange. I used to debate everything, I was a perfectionist, and I had the loudest voice you would ever hear. Now, it's quite different. People tell me to speak up, and they look at me in surprise because I'm never angry. I feel weird looking back and seeing how much I've changed. it's eery.

And now, I'm starting a blog. Not that I expect people to read, reply, or care. But I started one, and I intend to continue on with it. It doesn't matter if people read this, or I somehow receive hate mail.This is now my spot to rant, share, and type freely. And so, if there is a reader, and if you are looking at this, I bit you adieu for now. That was my terribly written, choppy, so unflowy excuse for a first entry. It probably won't get better, it won't get any worse, and my life isn't exciting, so I can understand if you don't come back. however, thank you for letting me use a snippet of your time, just so that I could express something.

-With hugs and lots of love,

Ai, the girl with hearts in her eyes.